Sometimes when I begin an article on this blog, I tremble. Whether it be the memories, or the subject matter, or the fear of the response I will get, some things just conjure a more exaggerated effect. I tremble writing this one. This will be a subject of controversy, and believe me, I know that full well. I used to be conflicted in my own mind about it all. But now I know for sure.
I am certain that the things I witnessed in my abusive marriage were not just of human nature. They were evil and maniacal and calculated, and they were of another realm. I know what I saw, and I know the reason for them. I want to make you aware. I want your senses to be sharpened about this subject. If you aren’t aware, you will not be equipped–just as I wasn’t. And believe me, I am still no expert. I only know my experience.
On those “bad days” when I knew horrible things were about to happen, I could feel it. I could sense it. There was a darkness. An inexplicable heaviness in the air. So heavy, I could almost touch it and see it. And though I knew catastrophe was imminent on those days, I began walking on eggshells in hopes of avoiding disaster–to no avail, of course. There was a look about him on those days. He physically changed. I could see the evil countenance on his face. I could see the unhallowed look in his eye. His walk and movement was somehow different. It was just bad. Evil.
That’s when it would begin. He would start making things up that my sons or I had done to agitate him–things that were unfounded or completely blown out of proportion. And then he would use those to begin his rants. And if he didn’t get the response he wanted, or even if he did, he would completely explode.
And then it would all come out. It was not normal outbursts of anger. It was an eruption of such force that it seemed walls shook and the ground quaked. He would seethe and writhe. He would slobber and spit. One time I watched him hideously laugh as he purposely allowed saliva to run out of his mouth and down his chin. It was as though he liked it. He liked that fact that he was acting like a ravenous animal. His eyes would turn blazing yellow. His face had a look. A look almost indescribable, like someone that I didn’t recognize. His voice would become almost growling and haneous. He would scream, even shriek. Sometimes he would say the most evil and vile things–cursing and swearing and filthy talk. Sometimes he would throw himself down and roll around like a mad-man. He would punch himself in the face–sometimes drawing blood or creating bruises and swollen lips and cheeks. He would have incredible strength–tearing doors off of hinges or throwing furniture across the room, punching holes in walls, and busting out windshields. When these hellish events were over, rooms looked like a war zone. It was all like something you would see in a movie. Only for us, it was real.
But there were other things I experienced. There was a time that for months and months I would “just happen” to wake up at 4:22 am. But it wasn’t just waking up. It was dark and ominous. It was a feeling of dread and doom. It was a time of fierce battle with evil. I felt gripped in fear and defeated and exhausted and hopeless. One night it was so oppressive, I ran out the front door to escape. I felt I couldn’t breathe.
There were nights I was “visited” by something out of the darkness. One night I watched as some ghoulish evil figure with hollow eyes and gaping mouth made its way from the doorway to the bed forcefully landing on me, its face pressed to mine, and pinning me to the bed. I don’t know that I have ever screamed in terror like that. It was blood curdling, and the experience left me convulsing in fear. Fear like I had never known before.
During one period, I had the same recurring “dream” over and over and over again of something or someone or a large group of “someones” watching me while I slept. It lasted for months. I would wake up in a moment of panic almost every night and begin searching throughout the house for who or what it was. I began feeling paraniod. My mind was so tortured, I even began searching in the middle of the nights for cameras in ceilings or walls. Sounds insane doesn’t it? But it was real. It was pitiful and exhausting. And no, there were no cameras, but there were eyes….
Evil visited me very, very, very often. It was not of this earth. I know that now. Some people–even those that love me–would doubt what I am about to say. But perhaps if I had known and been aware, I could have feared less and fought more. Perhaps I could been more precise in my prayers, knowing the evil I was praying against, and the superior miraculous power of Jesus to dispel that evil at that very moment.
I’m just going to say it. I believe there were evil and demonic spirits–armies of Satan–that were in my home and influencing everyday life for me. They were purposeful and strategic. I had no idea what and whom I was fighting. In my mind, the verses about the “spiritual forces of wickedness” (Ephesians 6:12) meant a bad attitude, or gossiping, or the other “bad” things Satan made me do. I had no clue it literally meant I would be fighting “beings” sent by Satan to destroy me. When Satan asked God to torment Job, his request to attack was direct and on purpose. That was how it was with me.
For basically my whole life up until a few years ago, if I had heard anyone talking in any such a way, I would have thought they were either crazy or they were fabricating a crazy story. But believe me, I am in my right mind when I tell you the things I saw and experienced were of the unseen realm. They were of the spiritual world and they collided with my world regularly.
The crazy thing is, my story is not exclusive to me. According to accounts of others who have been through similar situations, I have found it to be a common thread in the homes ravaged by abuse, pride, pharisaical religious legalism, addictions, sexual depravity, and so on. It is scary and it is no wonder the cycle is difficult to break. These strongholds may be generations in the making.
When evil presides in a home the way it did in mine, it leaves the door open for Satan to be active. Then that evil begins to create strongholds and soul ties that affect all who live there, if it is not recognized and banished through the name of Jesus. You have to remember that in my home there were sins of pride, abuse, anger, rage, deceit, pornography, and the list goes on. But they were rarely, if ever, “called out” for what they were. And they continued to exist there and thrive and become stronger. Had I known, it would have been different. Oh, I knew there were prevalent sins, but I didn’t know the full degree or the intentional nature and reason for the “presence” of that evil.
But now I do know. Now I understand. And the realization now makes so much sense. Believe me, destroying and banishing the strongholds from my life and from the lives of those affected by the insanity was tempestuous, to put it mildly. It was a deliberate and difficult and seemingly impossible journey, were it not for the mighty power of the name of Jesus. And the incredible thing I have discovered is this: If you believe or experience evil to that degree, there is a huge up-side. The spiritual world has another side–God’s side. Believe me, in those years, through God’s help, I did my best to fight the evil that was so prevalent at those times. But I could have fought better, been more equipped, more direct with my aim. Not only was I unaware of this calculated evil, but I really had no clue of the arsenal of unworldly conquering power that was at my disposal.
The Bible speaks of this power constantly. It is the same power that raised Jesus from the dead according to Ephesians. But I used to just “read over” that. I never realized I could truly tap into the power of the kingdom of Heaven. I thought that was only for the few–the apostles, the prophets of thousands of years ago, the lucky few whom God chose to interact with. But I am here to tell you that power is available to all who believe in Jesus as the Savior–all Christians who are willing to step into that realm. All who are not afraid to let God out of His “box” and give Him full reign to work. Quit telling him what to do and how to do it. You may just find Him in ways you never dreamed.
Evil is conquered by deliberate acts of repentance of our own weakness and sin, and coming under the authority and power of the blood of Jesus Christ. These acts of faith manifest a power that is not of ourselves, but a Heavenly transforming power released upon us by Jesus. We no longer buy into fear, but we become bold and aligned with truth. We proclaim that we are in agreement and obedience to partner with God, and through the name of Jesus we rebuke and cast out any spirit of evil that may come against us. And then, we live a life of faith, constantly filling ourselves with the Spirit and with the fullness of God, leaving no room for the evil one to work or reside.
I’m not talking about some magician’s tricks. I’m talking about true heavenly power to fight darkness and evil and all the powers of Hell–power in a realm where darkness is illuminated with light, and demons are put to flight. The junk and filth Satan procures needs to be brought into the light where it can be exposed and annihilated. There is a God that heals the mind and body and spirit. There is a name–the name above all names–that calms tempests and sends evil running.
If you believe in the power of evil, you can rest assured the power of God is present, and that through faith you can wield that power mightily. And I don’t think I ever really knew that. Not to the degree I do now. I mean, I have always tried to live my life according to what God would have me to, but now I am so aware of His power, His direct movement in my life, His personal interaction with me, His miraculous nature and His desperate love. And I am overcome with it all. I witnessed the horrible darkness, but when I became aware of the source of that darkness and how it worked, the power of the name of Jesus Christ became more real to me, and much more useful. In the last few years, I have seen that power destroy the chains of Satan in so many ways. Those chains have lost their grip on me and on others around me. And believe me, it is miraculous. And now I want more than ever to live each moment surrendered to Jesus, falling more and more in love with him, and living in grateful awareness for his work in my life and the lives of others.
People listen to me. These attacks are as real for you as they were for me. It may not be through abuse. There are hundreds (thousands I suppose) of entrances through which Satan can enter and create a stronghold. But the good news is, you can fight. You can destroy that evil in your life. But you have to be armed to fight. You can’t fight that of which you aren’t aware. The victory and the power I have seen in my life since grasping this concept is incredible. At the mention of the all-powerful and all-mighty name of Jesus, the demons have to flee. Chains break. It may not change someone else who is not willing to submit, but it will change you. It will change the way you fight, the way you pray, the way you live.
This power will make you fearless and strong, courageous and determined. You will live life to the fullest measure–walking in power, seeing glories beyond measure. You will witness a change in your relationship to Jesus. Being aware of the schemes of Satan makes you more gratefully aware of the power of Jesus. I long to be in his presence daily, to discover more about that power and about who he is. The things I wish for and my pursuits look more like his every day as I submit to Him.
And the same will happen for you.
“For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in the dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12)